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Biography

On the ground

I don’t think one who hasn’t go through a divorce himself will really understand what’s it about. It’s like suffered the dead of a loved one several times over and over again. It’s like hell to drive time after time away from a small crying child shouting “pappa, pappa” 

I loose my wife, my children, my house, furniture and everything. Without work I was drifting around, without stability, goal or reason to exist. That was only the start of a long, long period. A period seems to made in hell, carefully designed to broke me down, flat to earth.

Or, as afterthought, was I the architect because I loose my inner power, my internal strength because it was not builded on myself? Did I made the wrong decisions, leaving ABSA, thinking negative, resolves my though and mind around the problems rather than solutions?

During the next eight months I was only able to drive my car for a few weeks together. The engine block gave up a few days after we got separated and I leaved ABSA. During this few months I got two different cars and about nine major engine rebuilds or exchanges. 

Engine broke down. Rebuild the entire engine. One, two weeks later the engine block broke again, gets another block and rebuild engine. A few days later something broke again so I bought another engine. It happens two, three weeks later again. Exchange engine for another one but it happens again. Get the engine fixed and bought another car but story repeat itself again.

For me a car is important. Very important. I am deaf and cannot just phone somebody to talk a bit if I am depressed. I have to drive to him/her to communicate. It’s my connection with the outside world.

The years pass by. Crazy, extra-ordinary situations, problems, circumstances. The long hours on the train after visiting my children made me depressed and when arrived at home heard that another application for a job is declined. It looked so good, so promising, but the company decided not to fill the post anymore. There I am, depressed and flat on the ground, without one cent in my name, my heart crying for my children while I thinking that there is just nothing more what can gone wrong. The letter I got and opened was a summons for debit.

I worked on temporally base at several places. Stand up 5am in the winter and walk 2km to the station to go to work. Come back at 10pm, eat and sleep. The personnel officer at the Association for the Deaf arrange a meeting with a friend of her what looking for a partner in his business. Meeting went very well and we can start over two weeks because he wants to take a short holiday first.

Time went by and nothing happens. The personnel officer (a very close friend) later said that her friend met a person in Cape Town during his holiday and was offered a partnership there what he just couldn’t refuse so he decided to sell his business in Gauteng and moved to Cape Town.

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